Top 5 Best and Worst

Today, rather than writing a typical blog entry or whatever, I have decided to make a top 5 best and worst of Paris. I hope you enjoy.

BEST

1.     The number one thing about Paris has to be the food, and it’s not just French food. Paris is such an international city that you can find authentic cuisine from just about anywhere (except Mexican food, as there are no Mexicans). From Chinese food in Belleville to falafels in the Marais, Paris is a foodie’s paradise. If it were up to me, I would spend all day eating. Luckily I am eating for two; for myself, and for my poor uncle who is reduced to reliving his youth vicariously through me.

2.     France’s alcohol policy. Not only can I finally buy beer (legally, at least), but I haven’t been carded once. Also, they are allowed to sell beer or liquor pretty much anywhere. For example, you can get a beer with your meal at McDonalds, and any tiny corner store will sell fifths. No joke, the grocery store near my apartment was giving out samples of some whiskey called “Monkey Bone”. It’s also worth mentioning that there are no open bottle laws, so you can drink while walking to a club/bar or on the metro. This makes pre-gaming that much easier.

 Nothing better than Mcdonalds fries and a frothy 1664

3.     The women. Although some of them are out of my league (I guess I’m not metro-sexual enough for their liking), I will still never get bored of just looking. Most French girls find American guys interesting because they watch American movies and listen to American music. They also (typically) find us gentlemanly compared to French D-bags. I don’t know if there is anything sexier than a girl with a French accent (French maid outfit anyone?).

 even French news anchors are sexy

4.     I feel safe here, no matter where I am. Even in the ghetto, I feel much safer than back home knowing that it is highly unlikely that someone is carrying a loaded .22. I am also quite bigger than almost every French guy I see, so they never intimidate me. Seriously, have you ever seen Napoleon or Charles De Gaulle? I have no idea how the French military ran shit for hundreds of years.

5.     Kebabs! Known locally as a “Greek sandwich”, I have yet to see one being sold by a Greek person. Kebabs are everywhere, and each place does them slightly different. My favorite has schwarma (thinly sliced lamb that cooks on a giant rotating spit), hamburger patties, cheese, and a fried egg. Top that off with lettuce, tomato, onion, and sauce (I usually go with “Algerian” sauce, which is kind of like a spicy thousand island), and you have heaven on a bun (or pita). Best part? It usually costs about 5 euros for a kebab, fries, and a drink.

WORST

1.     You never know when things are going to be open. On Sundays literally EVERYTHING is closed, which makes it hard to find dinner if you forget to buy something on Saturday. I understand when things are closed on Sundays, but a grocery store closed at 4 pm on a Tuesday? I can never figure the system out. There is a bakery near my apartment that sometimes shuts down for 2 or 3 days out of the blue, no forewarning, then opens back up like nothing happened. I dunno, maybe it’s a French thing.

2.     The French look for any reason to go on strike. I have been fortunate so far, with no major postal or metro-driver strikes, but I feel like one is long overdue. The worst part is, it’s never the things that you want to go on strike that actually do. Sure, the garbage men will go on strike and leave the city smelling like a giant sewer, but the police or teachers NEVER go on strike. It’s not fair.

3.     There is shit everywhere. For a country with such small dogs, there sure are some huge piles of “merde”. A friend of mine told me it’s because they feed their dogs cheese, which I wouldn’t doubt. The amount of shit everywhere makes it extremely difficult to go on a jog at night. Oh well, I would still take a Paris covered in crap over a clean Springfield any day.

4.     How much it cost to go out in Paris. It’s hard to enjoy Paris’ nightlife when you are living on a budget. I like to go to bars as much as the next guy, but it’s hard when you have to pay 6 or 7 euros for a pint. Maybe that’s why France has such low rates of alcoholism: nobody can afford to be a drunk.

5.     The amount of people begging for money. If you gave a penny to each person you saw begging for money in Paris, you would be broke after 20 minutes. Most of the beggars here act like they are entitled to your money, and sometimes get angry when you ignore them. Others get on the metro and make some speech about how they lost their job and blah blah blah. If I was a beggar, I would learn some kind of skill or trick, or at least make a clever sign. It’s not like they are pressed for time. The gypsies are the worst. Nothing makes me angrier than when I see a gypsy lady begging for money on the metro dragging her poor little kid along with her to seem more pitiful. No kid should have to go through that. They should be in school.